Three things that make the first minute easier
Arrive a little early, when the room is calmer and there are fewer closed circles. Ask a question about the event rather than about the person: it is easier to answer and easy to follow up. Then listen. Most openers work because the other person gets to talk.
- A short hello and your first name is enough to start.
- Something in your hand (a drink, a programme, a name badge) gives you a natural pause.
- Look for someone else who is also on their own, standing near the door or the drinks. They often welcome a hello.
Openers by kind of event
These are plain examples, not a script. Change the words so they sound like you.
- Meetup or talk: “Hi, I’m Sam. Have you been to one of these before?” or “What brought you to this one?”
- Language exchange: “Which language are you practising tonight?” or “Shall we do ten minutes in each language?” Most exchanges have a simple structure, so asking how it works is a good opener too.
- Run club: “Is it okay if I run with this group? What pace do you run at?” Running side by side makes talking easier. Before the start, ask the leader or organiser how the route and pace groups work.
- Gallery opening: “Which piece stopped you?” or “Do you know the artist’s work?” Standing in front of the same piece is a ready-made topic.
- Board-game night: “Is there a game that is easy to learn?” or “Mind if I join this table?” Games give you something to do together, and there is talk between turns.
How to join a group conversation
Walk up, stand at the edge of the group, look interested and wait for a pause. You do not need to cut in. Many groups open up by themselves when they see someone listening.
- Pick a group that looks relaxed: people facing outward, some space in the circle, someone laughing.
- Stand nearby and listen for a minute so you know what they are talking about.
- At a pause, say “Mind if I join?” or “Sorry to interrupt, I’m new here.”
- Add a short comment on the topic, or ask one question about it.
If the group is closed, that is about them and not about you. Smile and try another.
How to leave politely
You do not need an excuse. A short line is enough, and you can say it to one person or to the whole group.
- “It was nice talking to you. I’m going to say hi to a few other people.”
- “I’m going to head off. Enjoy the rest of the evening.”
- “I’m going to get another drink. See you later.”
- If you want to keep in touch: “Are you coming next week? Maybe see you then.”
Fixing a time before you arrive (“I’ll stay for one hour”) makes leaving easier. Leaving early still counts as a good evening if you went and tried.
What if nobody talks to you?
It happens, and it does not mean anything went wrong. Many people at an event are also waiting for someone to start. Give yourself a small task: order something, ask a member of staff a question, read the programme or look at what is on the walls.
Then try once more with one person who is also alone. If the evening stays quiet, stay for one drink or one act, and see how you feel. Try the same place again on another evening, or a different kind of event. Many people need a few visits before a place feels familiar.
Questions people ask
What do I say to someone I do not know at an event?
Say hello and ask about the event itself, for example whether they have been before. Then listen and ask one more question.
How do I join a group that is already talking?
Stand at the edge, listen for a minute, and at a pause say “Mind if I join?” Add a short comment or one question.
How do I leave politely?
A short line is enough, such as “It was nice talking to you, I’m going to head off.” You do not need an excuse.
What if nobody talks to me?
Give yourself a small task, try once with another person who is on their own, and stay for one drink or one act. You can come back another evening or try a different format.
Is it weird to go to an event alone?
No. Many people go alone. Our guide to going out alone has more.
More to read
Is it weird to go alone? · Events in many cities · New in a city: first-month guides · New in Lisbon · New in Madrid
We cannot promise what you will find, who you will meet or how a night will go: you decide where to go and what to do. Choose public places, tell a friend where you are and plan your own way home. For adults, 18+.
Meet & Mint
See who’s going, then go together
Meet & Mint shows events and people near you on one map. Join an event alone, chat with the group, meet at the door. 18+. Free on iPhone and Android.